My Feelings And Emotions

I notice that whenever I feel bad, it’s mostly because I am not aligned with my true self.

Today, I’ve been feeling quite antsy, thinking of this and that, what would this person say if I do this, or that; would he think I’m weird, or wacky, or wobbly inside my head? I feel that there is a strong connection between my general feeling (an emotion, like mad or glad, afraid or sad) and my alignment with who I truly am. More often than not I find myself joyous when I am in my most aligned state — when I am most relaxed, when I am surrounded by people who accept me for who I am, warts and all, when I myself accept whoever I want to be at that moment whether or not it is consistent with the self-image I conjure in my head. On the other hand, I feel uncomfortable, a general tinge of unease, when I resist, when I stress over things I know I have no control over, when I am not true to myself.

Little by little, I notice that I am beginning to trust more my feelings and emotions. I have always believed that my intellect, my reasoning, my logical self is my best friend, one of my strongest suit. But without discounting its importance, I have started to notice that my feelings, my emotions have always been a strong ally as well. Bad news is that I’ve never really honored it as much as it deserves.

Now I’m wondering, how could I be more in touch with my feelings? How can I give it more prominence in the way I make decisions, and in the way I relate to people? How can I elevate it at least to a stature equal if not above that of my reasoning powers?

Would any of you have ideas? Have you encountered such thoughts as well?

The Person I Hated Most

There's a phrase that says "the more you hate the person the more you think of him or her. And the more you think of him or her the more he or she ruins your day.. It's true!
First day of December, 2009, I used to think things that can make my whole month more happier and interesting. And perhaps a preparation also for a brighter new year. I used to get along with things that could make my life more meaningful and be different from the past few years. But as I find and look for these things to happen, I didn't imagine that there are some people wants to turn you and pull you down.
As I write this blog, I want to make things clear, detailed by detailed as far as I could. But I do believe that i was not born to be a writer. So my apology to all the readers, i'm sorry if I can't make you fully understand my writings. It's just that as far as my writing is concern and as far as I could clear these things up in your mind, I will do the best as I can. But I am open to all your comments.
As my title goes..."the person I hated most"... there's this person that I consider as a "curse" in my life. "Curse". I don't know if this is the exact term to be used but everytime I met and think of this person, (she's a woman in particular) my whole day will be getting worst and I feel of having a bad luck all day.
I don't want to describe her personality here in a very exaggerated way, just as I described her as the most exaggerated one I've ever known in my whole life. I find her as a perfectionist, but she can't be as one. Because she can't even make her family complete. She's a separated woman leaving her five kids to her husband. She might be an ideal mother to her children, but if I will be asked, she failed! Don't ask me why. Coz I don't want to explain.
But if you'll ask me why she's the person I hated most, it's not only because I don't like her. There is something in her that perhaps her husband noticed and knew about it and could be the reason why they separated each other.

A Very Nice Story

People were too busy that day preparing for the celebration of the New Year’s Eve, then there’s this guy who went to his working place to jam with his work mate to greet every body a happy new year. He was expecting to celebrate his new year with his girlfriend like what they did last year but his girlfriend went home to her home town. The guy jokingly bid for goodbyes for his family saying to leave something for him later as he might not come home on New Year’s welcoming. He kissed her parents goodbye and his two kids for he is a separated guy and went straight to his work place. But to his own surprised he was able to come home minutes before the new year, he went on the alley and park his bike, the festivity went on and when he was about to cross the street he saw kids picking up lost coins and fire crackers on the road so he crossed and manage the traffic both ways when a speeding motorcycle lost control and went straight on him, he was thrown several meters with out anybody noticed him first but to the driver and back riders of the bike that hit him. He crawled to the nearby side walk and collapsed, blood were spurting in his head and bathed him all over with his torn jeans. It took several minutes for him to be noticed by the by standers and rescued, most of the people witness the incident thought he was dead until he moaned in agony and realized he’s alive. But it was not that easy for them to lift him because they noticed that the guy suffered multi fractures on his leg, he broke his right femur (leg bone) and twice on his left tibia ( calf bone) but they have to rush him out to the hospital so they have no choice but to transport him through a cab and the guy was in dilemma screaming all his pain out, in an ordinary person’s view he could not make it due to blood lost, but… a miracle happened he gained consciousness. He fought to live because he feels inside that a lot of people love him and in need of his help, as if during that time he was ready to give up until a sweet cry boost his strength to live again, it was the cry of his girlfriend, as his weak body tries to deal with the situation he remained hopeless. All stored in his mind was it’s better for him to let go knowing the effect of his situation and also due to financial constraint. The day came when he’s about to be operated, he said to himself “only God Knows” he survived by the words given to him by his girlfriend and his parents, he feels ready to die that time because he knows his family would take care of his children “maybe this is my fate” he recalls. Amazingly in a span of 8 months he was able to walk normally again, work and endures sports normally just like the good old days, but the sad thing there is losing his girlfriend little by little because she works in another country now, this guy was not able to prove nor pay his girlfriend what is due for her as there long distance relationship is blurred with miscommunication and loneliness, now the guy recalls what’s the purpose of living if the person who brought you back to life is gone. “I live because of her” as he recounted the days when he was a step closer to death. Maybe people serves as a doctor in our life who shares their emotion when they are still working on us but leave us eventually when we’re okay. May God bless you all and always remember “when God closes the door, he opens the window”. And the saddest part of this story is when I found out that this story is all about………………me.